So Elizabeth Hasselbeck and Cindy McCain Walk Into a Bar...

Selective reading allows the news to be way more fun than it normally is.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,423261,00.html

Cindy McCain Blasts the View

NOW STOP RIGHT THERE! DONT KEEP READING!

Perfect, the mental image of Cindy McCain beating the hell out of the View hostesses is hysterical. Then we'll let Sarah Palin strut around in the background with her fucking Tina Fey glasses. On that day, America, we would truly find harmony, as Democrats and Republicans, Libertarians and Rastafarians alike all hold hands and surround the warm glow of the television showing us the end of the View as we dance around in the debris of Ike and the shredded books being thrown around in New York in the ticker tape parade of the ages! Children released from school in the mass celebrations that would make the Hitler Youth blush would set fireworks off from their bookbags and throwing them into bank lobbies and supermarkets alike! Everyone pours into the streets, unawares, until we recieve word the View is dead. People collapse in heaps, some proceeding to piss themselves in unadulterated exaltation to the good lord above. Jacob McCarthy awakens from his coma and proceeds to utter his last words before rolling himself down the corridor of adoring fans cheering him on. "The Lord does exist. Hapanesinnachiu", he says rolling along util the ramp comes into view. He flies off making a flawless swan dive into a Jackson Pollock. Points for creativity as the wheelchair landed on Jerry Falwell's ghost. The joy continues to build until we all return home to await the continuation the next morning in the glow of a post-View world.

On that day America, we will truly be one. One country, under a force, indivisible, with a severe lack of the View for all.